Please, let me fuck your mom
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
