I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
