Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
