Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
