this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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