I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize