In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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