i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
