Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
