the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
