so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
