I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
