my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
