i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
