You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
