Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
