I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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