my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
