Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
