Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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