Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
