Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
