their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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