Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
