He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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