You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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