so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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