When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i now understand why vodka
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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