i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
