I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
