You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
