I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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