My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
