can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
