he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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