dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.