I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini