this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.