i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!