I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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