there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
