Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
