and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
