so that wasnt chicken after all
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
