Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
