We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
