I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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