I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
