my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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