Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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