I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
