It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
