There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
