True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
