From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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