We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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