out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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