Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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