So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
