Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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