I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
